by Olipophatbaby | Nov 30, 2017 | Love, Motherhood
I am a huge hippy, I believe in the power of the Universe and that everything has a reason kind of girl. I am the type of person that will say:
“It’s 11.11am, what does it mean? what is the universe trying to tell me?” As I’m looking at my phone, 10 mins after my 11 am alarm goes off and waiting for it to turn to 11:11 am! Or as I pass a dead bird, mauled by a cat no doubt, i’l whisper to myself “wow, a white feather – who sent this from the spirit world?”
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and that the crap in your life is sent to test us, to make us, or to break us. I believe that when bad stuff happens in life we have to try and find a positive out of it because only seeing the negatives can eat you up and turn you bitter.
The problem with that is, when something bad, sad or ‘unfair’ happens in your life, that causes grief and pain, which make it is so bloody difficult to search or even to find a positive, but instead makes you question “why”. And for all those who have had to of asked the question “why”, we know all too well, most of the time there is never a definite answer.
The past few months in our house has been upsetting, challenging and often difficult – but it’s not all doom and gloom, on a day to day basis we are generally happy, silly and smiley and just living life and not taking it for granted.
Over the past few months, we had some really upsetting and tragic news to do with the girl’s father, followed by my eldest daughter Poppy breaking her arm two weeks after, myself developing health anxiety to a point where I thought I was dying (That is a whole new blog post in itself), to dealing with hearsay and looks of pity when we left the house.
So six weeks after Poppy broke her arm, and in the thick of having an utter meltdown with health anxiety, Alex and I found out that we were pregnant (well, that I was pregnant as men can’t have babies). We were so over the moon, we had talked about it for a while, so we couldn’t believe that it had happened so quickly. So after peeing on four ‘Sainsbury’s own’ Pregnancy tests, to peeing on another 2 clear blue pregnancy tests just to make sure that the previous 5 weren’t rubbish, it was confirmed, we were pregnant.
In the middle of all the sadness, we had been feeling as a family for the past couple of months, the universe (so I believed) had sent us the most precious gift. A baby.
Now believing in fate, and the way Alex and I had met (Again, that’s a whole new blog post, and totally one for a feel-good Sunday read. In short: Known each other for 10 years, Paths have always crossed, incredible coincidence when we met again, love at first sight kind of story…)
We started to get excited, choosing names, guessing what we would be having, downloading the ‘baby centre’ app to see what food the baby is the size of and starting to see some form of light at the end of the tunnel.
Having had three perfectly normal, healthy, but all completely different pregnancies prior to this one, I just assumed that everything would be ok, I did have a sharp consistent pain in what felt like my ovary, but again like you do, I googled it and it said it was completely normal, so I didn’t worry and continued to feel happy and excited.
A couple of weeks after finding out we were having a baby, I started with brown spotting. I instantly started to panic, then instantly started to GOOGLE THE SHIT OUT OF THE INTERNET. I found out that this could be ‘Implantation or Breakthrough bleeding’, ‘perfectly normal’ or ‘the start of a miscarriage’.
What the hell is going on I thought, surely the ‘divine power’ and the Universe I believe so badly in, isn’t going to give me this gift of life to then take it away from me, especially after such heartwrenching months?
I began reading forums, upon forums of other women in similar situations and kept reading repeated words of wisdom of: ‘If it’s not red blood, there is no need to worry’. Then luckily the spotting stopped. I breathed, calmed down and pee’d on yet another pregnancy test, which came back – PREGNANT. I started to get a little excited again and went to sleep.
The next morning, however, I just didn’t feel right so I decided to go to the gym, my lower back had not stopped hurting in the night and I thought exercise would be good to ease it. Arriving at the gym and doing a pre-workout wee (like you do), what I had feared would happen, started to happen.
There was bright red blood. Instantly I freaked out, my heart started to race, panic set in knowing that if this was miscarriage then there is nothing that could be done, except let nature take its course and that there would be no baby.
Alex and I rang the national health line on 111 and they told us to see the doctor within 2 hours. Now the doctor we went to go and see I’m pretty certain didn’t have much experience with a hormonal 30-year-old having a miscarriage. This doctor did not beat around the bush, half of me admired him for his brutal honesty whilst the other half was cursing “You insensitive dimwit”.
He looked at me casually slung back in his chair, in his cycling gear and said:
“You know at this stage, it’s just a bunch of cells, there is probably a disformity and there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to sit it out”.
WHAT.THE.EFF. – “Just sit it out” ….. “SIT IT BLOODY OUT”.
I wanted a reassuring cup of tea, a rub on the shoulder and the doctor to tell me that it could be ‘breakthrough bleeding”.
Not; “ts just a bunch of cells that are probably deformed”.
Whilst I was ‘sitting it out”, I sent myself crazy Googling “What does a miscarriage feel like”? “How do I know if I am having a miscarriage”, “am I still pregnant”?
I felt scared to go to the toilet, as every time I bled, I felt like I was losing the baby. I knew deep down that it was a miscarriage, yet part of me still wanted to believe that I was the exception to the rule and it could just be normal bleeding.
The miscarriage lasted three days. We did another test which came up ‘not-pregnant’.
Just like that, it was gone. That was the most painful part of it, only three days earlier it read pregnant and now it was gone. I felt like my body was broken as well as my mind.
I questioned why, why did this have to happen, what is the Universe trying to tell me. What lesson does the universe want me to take from this? What was the purpose of this pregnancy, surely there had to be one? I felt humiliated telling my friends that I had miscarried as only a few days before I had told them I was pregnant. I wondered if it was something that I did, or if I could have prevented it.
I then started to realise sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes things just happen that are beyond our control and things that we can not change. The only control we have is how we choose to act and react to whatever life throws at us. When I realised this, all of a sudden I felt different. I felt for the first time in months that I had a clear mind.
I let myself feel sad, but not for long, because there were so many more reasons to smile. I smiled for my children, my relationship, our health, the roof over our heads, my family, friends and just being here.
Shit things happen in life, tragedy, death and things we will never know the answers too. But time is a healer and time needs its time.
For all those who need some friendly advice, the miscarriage association is a great start.
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
or you can contact them on 01924 200799
All information is confidential.
Lots of love
Jess #MomBoss
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 26, 2017 | Motherhood
Rules for when my little girls grow up!
1. Make your bed every day, even if it’s right before you get in it.
2. Don’t wear holey underwear… in case you’re in an accident and they cut your clothes off.
3. Travel light through life. Keep only what you need.
4. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt. It’s also okay to smash (some) things; but, wash your face, clean your mess, and get up off the floor when you’re done. You don’t belong down there.
5. If you’re going to curse, be clever. If you’re going to curse in public, know your audience.
6. Seek out the people and places that resonate with your soul.
7. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
8. 5-second rule. It’s just dirt. There are worse things in a fast food cheeseburger.
9. You are a woman, you do not NEED a man!
10. Happiness is not a permanent state. Wholeness is. Don’t confuse these.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack your bag.
12. Never walk through an alley.
13. Be less sugar, more spice, and only as nice as you’re able to without compromising yourself.
14. Can’t is a cop-out.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard. Be your own hero.
16. If you can’t smile with your eyes, don’t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.
17. Never lie to yourself.
18. Your body, your rules.
19. If you have an opinion, you better know why.
20. Practise your passions.
21. Ask for what you want. The worst thing they can say is no.
22. Wish on stars and dandelions, then get to work to make them happen.
23. Stay as sweet as you are.
24. Fall in love often. Particularly with ideas, art, music, literature, food and far-off places.
25. Fall hard and forever in love with nothing but yourself.
26. Say Please, Thank You, and Pardon Me, whenever the situation warrants it.
27. Reserve “I’m sorry” for when you truly are.
28. Naps are for grown-ups, too.
29. Question everything, except your own intuition.
30. You have enough. You are enough.
31. You are amazing! Don’t let anyone ever make you feel you are not. If someone does….walk away. You deserve better.
32. No matter where you are, you can always come home.
33. Be happy and remember your roots, family is EVERYTHING.
34. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
35. No one will ever love you more than I do ❤️
36. Be kind; treat others how you would like them to treat you
37. If in doubt, remember whose daughter you are and then straighten your crown!
Lots I’d Love
Mum x
#MomBoss
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 25, 2017 | Lifestyle, Motherhood
The Christmas countdown is definitely ON. Ahhhhh! Cue the mad dash around the shops on Christmas eve – with all THREE kids and the usual flapping.
At this time of year, more than any other, it raises a BIG parenting worry – am I spoiling my children, have I bought enough, should I treat myself too whilst I am at it?
You might have watched the new programme following Tamara Ecclestone’s life as a Mum. If not, you NEED to watch it especially after the HUGE reaction on social media, mainly lashing out at her for over ‘extravagant’ lifestyle and spoiling her child. Even though it is nice to spoil our children now and again, are there any real positives and what message does this send out to our children?
The daughter of Billionaire Formula 1 Boss Bernie Eccleston said that while she tries not to spoil her daughter Fifi (Phoebe), it feels like she does sometimes and that it’s hard not to. I’ll be honest after watching the show, she doesn’t spoil her sometimes….It’s all the time!
However, it’s clear to see how much she really loves her child but does buying things really equate to love? I have felt that awful parent guilt for not buying my children what they want, especially when I have had three hours of crying, the two hours of “it’s not fair” “you love my sisters more than me” and an hour of kicking and screaming.
I try to see the bigger picture, although, with a migraine that started three hours ago, that can be somewhat difficult. However, I don’t want my children growing up with a sense of entitlement, I want them to grow up knowing the value of money and the value of work.
Then again, I might be talking utter rubbish, Tamara may have a point, It might quite hard ‘not’ to spoil your kids when you call a £70 million London mansion home.
BUT if we always say ‘yes’ and never ‘no’ – what does that do to them? Yep, that’s right, more mummy guilt and things to fret over (great)!
Hands up if you have been to a party where there is always that one child that throws the mother of all tantrums? Worse still, hands up if it’s your child, and it’s not as if you can pretend it’s not your child (like we do at the park) as 90% of the parents at the party recognise you and your child from the school run.
What does over-indulging and spoiling your child actually do?
Spoiled children often grow up to feel a sense of entitlement, self-centred and with narcissistic tendencies. The reason being, they are so used to getting what they want, when they want that when they grow up a sense of self-entitlement grows with them.
Think about it for a second, If as a child you are so used to getting what you want, by either asking or crying for it and you get it consistently, then how would you understand that this doesn’t happen in adult life? The life you have been used to as a child and growing up, isn’t actually what happens when you become an adult.
It would come as a big shock in adult life if all of a sudden you had to fend for yourself. Surely it is better to grow up earning rewards, as this is what happens in adult life;-
You work hard, you reward yourself.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do love to go a bit OTT at Christmas and birthdays, as to me, they are two very special occasions that are only really magical and super exciting when you are young. At Christmas, I’m probably the biggest child of them all – That and the discovery of how cheap B&M bargains is and how amazing the toys are!!!
Away from celebrations, I also reward my children for good behaviour, reaching their goals and age-appropriate chores (cooking dinner and washing up (I am joking there))! Like most parents, I know the power of a bribe – it works like a charm 9 times out of 10.
However, on the flip side the more my children ask for something – the less likely they are to get it. I don’t want my children feeling or thinking they are ‘owed’ something in life. If they cry for something, that’s game over, and they deffo won’t be getting it! They need to know that if you want something in life, you need to work for it.
In saying the above it did take me a couple of years to realise, It’s OK not to be at the beck and call of your children for their every want and need. As parents, we do a HELL of a lot already. We clothe them, feed them, house them and show them we love them- when they INSIST they want an ice cream before tea time, BE STRONG and SAY NO, it’s going to be OK!!!
Naturally as a parent, there’s that feeling that you try to make sure your kids don’t ‘want’ for anything. I get that, but children would much rather you spend your time on them, instead of your money. It’s us as parents that give in to our children’s ‘wants’ through our own guilt. Children need limits, they need rules, they need parenting and part of parenting (the shit part) is to feel guilty and to feel mean- to say no when no needs to be said.
What type of parent are you?
So I hope I have given you food for thought on this rainy Saturday!
Lots of Love
Jess #MOMBoss
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 13, 2017 | Motherhood
Firstly, this is my first blog post this week as I have been enjoying some quality (chaotic) time with the 3 queens and Alex, whilst sunning myself from “pure white” to “white”. Which is the depressive Truth, I usually bring a bottle of fake tan, but the bloody 150ml bottle and hand luggage didn’t get along.
Anyway, I felt compelled to tell you about a delightful little product that I picked up that has ensured sanity, all three kids in eyesight and actually be able to enjoy the sight seeing! So as an after thought, I thought “this is an interesting product to review” so here we are.
Now, if you, like me have that one friend that tells you just as you book your holiday that “you need to be careful, the country your going too is a known “children to order” country! WTF – who says that, a whole country generalised and FYI – I googled it and it ain’t true girlfriend) and if, like me, you also have that one child that seems to embody Ussain Bolt every time you leave the house – then let me introduce you too the ‘Adventure Belt’ – AKA: The God send!
Now Hatti, being the youngest is a bit of a wild card (She doesn’t give a bloody shit), and trying to pursede this child to do anything is like trying to convince a midwife that combination feeding IS GONNA BE OK. So I decided to embark on an Adventure belt journey – I can’t fathom those bloody awful children rains, or harnesses, if I wanted to feel like I was walking a dog, I’d buy a dog and a lead not a “child lead” – il pick up some biscuits for when she learns to sit too!
However the Adventure belt is an all new ball game, Hatti absolutely loves it as she feels she is going on an adventure every time we wear it (bless her, getting breakfast every morning has been a real treat) and more to the point I actually felt quite “on trend” with this snazzy piece of equipment!
So what is the adventure belt?
The adventure belt is a safety belt that helps you keep an eye on your children whilst out and about. There are two waist belts, one that attaches to the child and one that attaches to the adult, with a stretchy belt that joins the two.
The waist belts are both adjustable and are suitable for children up to the ages of five. Although my 6 year old was sold on the fact the child’s belt has a “purse” (pouch) attached to it (as she parades around the hotel doing “mic drops”)
The adventure belt comes in 4 different colours – black, pink, blue and a panda pattern (my fave). I bought three belts, after hearing the “children to order” story. I haven’t used two, so I will be doing a competition for those of you who also hate “child leashes” and giving the other one away for a Christmas present!
Just in case you need a 10 minute breather…jokes.
This is the safety clipper – there is no chance your child is escaping.
What is good about the Adventure Belt?
One thing that I really liked about the adventure belt was that it literally felt like an adventure for Hatti (aged 3). I like to teach my children about independence but I also need them to be safe and respect what I’m saying, Which every three year old does obviously….
This was perfect for Hatti to feel like she was in control, when in reality, I am , and I have (mildly) manipulated her into thinking she is. Purely for my own selfish needs so I can enjoy the view, have hands free to enjoy a pina colado and also make sure she isn’t getting run over/kidnapped.
I also like that the strap that attaches the two belts is like a bungee rope, so if she does try to escape, I simply pull her back and “voila”! She pings straight back to me, which is in return entertaining, reassuring and safe!
Where can I get the Adventure Belt from ?
Ah ha, you can purchase it here;
www.more-2-explore.com
The delivery was super fast and the prices range from £14.99 – £27.99 ! (Price is £14.99 with discounted multipacks for twins).
So there we have it, if you have a child that enjoys to just run off, or going to a country that orders children or just want to enjoy your surroundings without your arm/hand/leg being pulled off, then from one parent to another (or guardian/baby sitter) GET THIS BLOODY PRODUCT – seriously even in the UK this belt is not leaving Hatti’s waist IDST!
lots of love
Jess #Motherofmaniacs
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 3, 2017 | Motherhood
Discipline for children. Absolute minefield, isn’t it?
• Am I yelling at them too much or not enough?
• Are they running rings around me or have I got this under control?
• Am I too strict or too easy-going?
If you caught the Channel 4 documentary #FeralFamilies, it might have got you thinking (or panicking) about whether you have got it right or wrong.
The programme was about ‘off-grid parenting.’ Children are allowed to choose their own bed time or cut their own hair. They were pretty much left to their own devices unless their safety was at risk, and they were either unschooled or home-schooled.
The reaction online and in the media was huge.
Lots of parents (and probably loads who aren’t) tutting away at these families for “doing it all wrong.” How dare they allow their kids to create havoc in the homes without boundaries or consequences for bad behaviour?!
On the other hand, you’ve got the text book parents. We all know them, some of them even are them (not me, FYI).
Routine, routine, routine all the way. Set meal times, set homework times, set extra-curricular activities, set bed times. They know all the ‘hacks’ on getting through the school-run like a military operation – clothes piled in neatle ironed order and nutritious lunches pre-packed the night before. These parents usually plan big and seamless birthday parties and have Christmas presents tied up before the clocks turn back in October.
Me? I’m somewhere between the two. The middle ground is so under-rated, don’t you think?
Why is it so boring to just have a bit of a happy medium kind of take on things?
And why are there so many judgey people out there, ready to tell others they are doing it all wrong?
I’d class myself as strict but fun. Guess what? You can be BOTH!
My kids know not to pass the 1, 2, 3 warnings. If I start the countdown, the maniacs usually stop misbehaving after the count of 1.
We’re also allowed to be silly and free. They stay up at weekends and are allowed a midnight feast (unless they’ve been cheeky).
We do fun stuff AND time-outs. Parenting is all about balance. It feels like a blumin’ juggling act most of the time. It took me a while to realise, even the ones who look like they have it all under control – probably don’t.
If you choose to take your own children out of mainstream school and try some off-grid parenting, cool. But if, instead you have a timetable plastered on the wall and stick to it religiously, good for you!
As long as your child or children are happy, healthy and safe, let’s parent in our own style and let others get on with theirs. No two people look and act identically, so why do we all think that parenting is this big one size fits all approach?
The documentary showed that lots of families do things against what the ‘parenting bible’ advises and yet, their children seem perfectly happy and well-adjusted. So, however you choose to ‘lay down the law’ (if at all), relax we’re all just winging it really…
Lots of love
Jess #Momboss
x
by Olipophatbaby | Oct 25, 2017 | Motherhood
Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my three mini maniacs. They are charming, funny, charismatic, kind and thoughtful, BUT…sometimes (OK, daily) they do things that really, really grate on me. So, when I found out most kids do things that make their parents’ eyes twitch, I felt a whole lot better about myself. Can you relate?
- The Tea Monkey
When you’re sat having a cup of tea and your child decides to use this opportune moment to show you their ‘monkey’ skills and use you as some form of climbing frame.
They strangle you from behind, lean on your shoulder (the shoulder that is attached to your hand that has the hot cup of tea in it). They tug at your hair and jump (not sit) on your knee. This ends in a spilt cup of tea, an empty teacup, wet trousers, a stressed-out mum and a child laughing at your misfortune … that they caused.
- The Toilet Ghost
The kids are happy as Larry, sat down, playing a game, relaxing…being good as gold. You use this moment to quickly nip to the loo that you have been dying for, for hours, when you were too busy making dinner, tidying up and settling the kids.
You enter the bathroom, sit on the loo, RELAX, then all of a sudden, out of the blue, you look up, the door is opening, you’re mid wee…”Mummy, what you doing?”
At this point you have to refrain from saying “What does it look like I’m bloody doing?” and answer … “just having a quick wee … in peace”
- The Drink of Doom
Breakfast, lunch or dinner, as soon as you sit down to eat (after rushing around to ensure all participants at the table have food and a drink in front of them), one child always manages to spill a drink in your direction. They do nothing to try and save the spill but just look at you … every meal time.
- The Night Time Wind-Up
It’s 7:30 pm, you have successfully completed the bedtime rituals. Children in bed, asked if they would like a drink, talked about their favourite part of the day, read them a story, gave them a kiss and a cuddle then tucked them in all cosy. You get to the bottom of the stairs, enter the living room, sit on the sofa and give a big sigh of relief.
Poppy: ‘Mummy I need a drink”
(Is this a joke I’ve just sat down)
Me: “I’ll be up in a second”
*takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, again*
5 minutes later…
Olive: “Mummmmmy, I want a drink”
(what the F@CK! Did she not just hear her sister 5 minutes before asking the same question?)
Me: “Right, one minute”
*takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, for the third time*
5 minutes later…
Hatti: “Mummy, DRI…..”
Me: “NO Hatti, share Olives”
*Feels guilty, takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, for the FOURTH time*.
- The Deaf Parrot
Ah, the deaf parrot. Quite possibly the worst one of them all. The deaf parrot happens a number of times a day. For example, when your child asks for something, you calmly and politely say no. They choose not to hear your reply and ask a further 30,896 times – that hour. Or maybe you have asked your child to put their shoes on 43 times … and they choose not to hear you. Then again, it can be as simple as them shouting “Mummy” to which you reply “yes?” – and they ‘don’t hear you’, this goes on for 5 minutes, so eventually, you have to stop what you are doing, go on a hunt to find them to which they respond: “what’s for dinner?”
So, there you have it, five universal traits all children seem to do! Any to add to the list?
Lots of love
Jess #Momboss
