Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my three mini maniacs.  They are charming, funny, charismatic, kind and thoughtful, BUT…sometimes (OK, daily) they do things that really, really grate on me. So, when I found out most kids do things that make their parents’ eyes twitch, I felt a whole lot better about myself. Can you relate?



  1. The Tea Monkey

When you’re sat having a cup of tea and your child decides to use this opportune moment to show you their ‘monkey’ skills and use you as some form of climbing frame.

They strangle you from behind, lean on your shoulder (the shoulder that is attached to your hand that has the hot cup of tea in it). They tug at your hair and jump (not sit) on your knee. This ends in a spilt cup of tea, an empty teacup, wet trousers, a stressed-out mum and a child laughing at your misfortune … that they caused.



  1. The Toilet Ghost

The kids are happy as Larry, sat down, playing a game, relaxing…being good as gold. You use this moment to quickly nip to the loo that you have been dying for, for hours, when you were too busy making dinner, tidying up and settling the kids. 

You enter the bathroom, sit on the loo, RELAX, then all of a sudden, out of the blue, you look up, the door is opening, you’re mid wee…”Mummy, what you doing?”

At this point you have to refrain from saying “What does it look like I’m bloody doing?” and answer … “just having a quick wee … in peace”



  1. The Drink of Doom

Breakfast, lunch or dinner, as soon as you sit down to eat (after rushing around to ensure all participants at the table have food and a drink in front of them), one child always manages to spill a drink in your direction. They do nothing to try and save the spill but just look at you … every meal time. 



  1. The Night Time Wind-Up

It’s 7:30 pm, you have successfully completed the bedtime rituals. Children in bed, asked if they would like a drink, talked about their favourite part of the day, read them a story, gave them a kiss and a cuddle then tucked them in all cosy. You get to the bottom of the stairs, enter the living room, sit on the sofa and give a big sigh of relief.

Poppy: ‘Mummy I need a drink”

(Is this a joke I’ve just sat down)

Me: “I’ll be up in a second”

*takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, again*

5 minutes later…

Olive: “Mummmmmy, I want a drink”

(what the F@CK! Did she not just hear her sister 5 minutes before asking the same question?)

Me: “Right, one minute”

*takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, for the third time*

5 minutes later…

Hatti: “Mummy, DRI…..”

Me: “NO Hatti, share Olives”

*Feels guilty, takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, for the FOURTH time*.



  1. The Deaf Parrot

Ah, the deaf parrot. Quite possibly the worst one of them all. The deaf parrot happens a number of times a day. For example, when your child asks for something, you calmly and politely say no. They choose not to hear your reply and ask a further 30,896 times – that hour. Or maybe you have asked your child to put their shoes on 43 times … and they choose not to hear you. Then again, it can be as simple as them shouting “Mummy” to which you reply “yes?” – and they ‘don’t hear you’, this goes on for 5 minutes, so eventually, you have to stop what you are doing, go on a hunt to find them to which they respond: “what’s for dinner?”

So, there you have it, five universal traits all children seem to do! Any to add to the list?

Lots of love  

Jess #Momboss