by Olipophatbaby | Jan 1, 2018 | Lifestyle, Motherhood
Happy Frikin New Year!
I don’t know about you, but 2017 had some major highs and some major lows!
The highs for me starting from entering the UK’s most famous house and entering it with the title “celebrity”, to the film I was in got released and sold in nearly every HMV, Asda and on Amazon, I rekindled with an old flame and found my soul mate to whom I fell madly, truly and deeply in love with, I started a new career direction which is flourishing and enjoyable.
Which leads me to the best part of 2017….. finding out I will be having a little rainbow baby this year!
As for the lows, I am not going to mention those, I have already lived them and there is only room for positive vibes in 2018 and we all know a positive vibe attracts your tribe! And my tribe intends to be healthy, happy and filthy rich! So if you’re reading this, put those vibes out for me too, yea?
Wooohoooo welcome to 2018!
So, I want to start my first blog of 2018 off with talking about my little rainbow baby! If you have been following the blog, you will have read that the past few months have been a shower of shit and to top the shower of shitty McShittness off, Alex and I went through a deeply upsetting miscarriage.
However, I wiped myself off, readjusted my crown (as all queens do) and got on with life. (This included copious amounts of prosecco, chocolate and late night giggles)!
So when I found out I was pregnant again I:
A) Thought back to the ALL the empty bottles of prosecco (#JustJokes)
B) Could literally not believe my eyes when the ‘Pregnant 3+’ showed up on the test!
C) Felt instantly sick and panicky about having another miscarriage.
You see, that’s the thing with getting pregnant after a miscarriage. You are stopped from allowing yourself to fully enjoy those moments of excitement. In fact, its a bloody emotional rollercoaster of constant worry of losing the baby and excitement of having a baby!
So imagine when the flipping rollercoaster started to take a trip down memory lane. I started to experience the first signs of a miscarriage again. Bleeding. I couldn’t believe it, what the hell was going?? Surely this couldn’t be happening again, upset and confused, I had to wait it out again and hope that it wasn’t what I thought.
This continued for around 3-4 weeks on and off. (Which was an absolute mind FCUK!) One day I would be happy and fun, then the next I would be sad, angry and confused about what was going on with my body!
Then one day it stopped for good, and I can safely say this is the only time in my life I’ve been grateful for fastening my trousers with a bobble, resembling a sponge, puking every hour with breasts that felt like they had been attacked by a giant and weeing consistently!
The strange thing is, on the day that the bleeding stopped, I saw the below picture on my friend’s facebook account:
Now this may not seem so strange to you, but they call a baby after a miscarriage a “Rainbow Baby” and after reading the quote above, I remembered this and googled “Rainbow Baby” out of curiosity and this is what came up….
‘A beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and give hope of things getting better”
Jesus did I weep when I read that! All those questions of “Why” from when I had miscarried prior, suddenly all made sense.
Over the past few months, it is safe to say we have had a bloody storm and we were in need of a rainbow. It made me stop and believe that this was our Rainbow. It made me question:
“Did I have to lose that baby prior to help me to feel that a colourful and bright future is emerging from our recent darkness?” Maybe.
I am a firm believer in the Power of the Universe, and at that moment it dawned on me that everything just needs time to make sense, we just need to trust in our journey and know that everything will work out. This was confirmed to me even more so when we found out that the due date is on Alex’s birthday. (queue apocalypse now theme tune).
2017 taught me so many lessons and one lesson is, anything can happen. Good or Bad. BUT we are the ones that dictate what happens from the moment that something does happen. The beauty of life is everyone can choose how we react to a situation. Everyone has their own stuff going on, and if you are going through stuff right now, however hard it may be, believe it will get better, talk to someone, a “cup half full” kind of person, smile for the things that you can smile about and have faith that we are part of something bigger.
Welcome to 2018. Today is a day for the change, for self-belief. so believe in yourself and take over the world!!
Happy New Year
Love from
Jess, Alex, Girls and Bump!
by Olipophatbaby | Dec 12, 2017 | Lifestyle, Working It.
OK, OK, I am not usually one for competitions, but recently I have been practising the Law of Gratitude and the Law of Attraction and as if by magic this competition to win up to £12,000 (click here) was placed before my very eyes!
Now how this came about is: I realised that Christmas for most is a magical time of year, but it can also be a huge financial stress and also put added pressure on those who are already in debt. So on my quest, I Googled to try and find a solution that could help people who are in financial difficulty and just take away that gut-wrenching and sickly feeling that most people have of “where am I going to find the money for ‘this’ or where will I find the cash for ‘that'”.
And then, as if the universe had worked in sync, I came across a company called Hanover Insolvency who is one of the top 3 personal debt specialists in the UK…AND they are giving (yes giving, after all it is that time of year) up to £12, 000 to one lucky person to ‘get out of the red and into the black’ just in time for Christmas!
Debt is a bloody crappy situation of life, most of us have been there, including me! I’ve been in a right pickle, robbing Peter to pay Paul, ignoring letters, emails and it’s awful. I had been in situations where I had worked all hours God sends, had no money to pay for things, not known where to start to organize my finances, and then it was Christmas, followed by a birthday, followed by a fine!!! So instead of tackling it face on, I would ignore it.
B I G M I S T A K E!!
What I realised was, when you bite the bullet and just sit down and go through your finances and situations, things are never as bad as they are when played out in your head. Then when you get your head above water, and you have time to breath, it’s a wonderful feeling and then that gives you a sense of achievement so organising your life, letters and emails don’t seem like the ‘never-ending story’.
I didn’t realise all those years ago that there were companies to help you sort your financial circumstances out, I was young and naive and thought that is was a load of crap – to be blunt. But actually, it’s not AND actually, companies like Hanover Insolvency can, in fact, help sort out your financial circumstances.
There are other companies out there that are similar, but I liked this one as there website and Facebook page wasn’t full of words and sentences that I don’t understand…AND the fact they have a competition on is an added bonus!
If you are struggling with debt, don’t! Below are some useful links and numbers – and I promise you, you won’t be alone!
AND BLOODY WELL ENTER THAT FACEBOOK COMPETITION – UPTO £12,000 FOR GRABS!!!!
www.hanoverinsolvency.co.uk
www.nationaldebtline.org
I hope this has helped some of you!
Lots of love
Jess #MomBoss
x
by Olipophatbaby | Dec 11, 2017 | Motherhood
Take charge.
Children need limits, this help them to understand and manage an often confusing world. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries, this is also showing your love. You are letting them explore in a safe and controlled way.
Don’t clip your child’s wings.
A childs mission in life is to gain independence. So when she’s developmentally capable of putting her toys away, clearing her plate from the table, and dressing, let them. Giving a child responsibility is good for her self-esteem (and your sanity!).
Don’t try to fix everything.
Give young kids a chance to find their own solutions. When you lovingly acknowledge a child’s minor frustrations without immediately rushing in to save her, you teach her self-reliance and resilience.
Remember that discipline is not punishment.
Enforcing limits is really about teaching kids how to behave in the world and helping them to become competent, caring, and in control.
Pick your battles.
Kids can’t absorb too many rules without turning off completely. Forget arguing about little stuff like fashion choices and occasional potty language. Focus on the things that really matter — that means no hitting, rude talk, or lying.
Play with your children.
Let them choose the activity, and don’t worry about rules. Just go with the flow and have fun. That’s the name of the game.
Read books together every day.
Get started when he’s a newborn; babies love listening to the sound of their parents’ voices. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set him up for a lifetime of reading.
Schedule daily special time.
Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together for 10 or 15 minutes with no interruptions. There’s no better way for you to show your love.
Encourage parent time.
The greatest untapped resource available for improving the lives of our children is time with both parents — early and often. Kids with engaged parents do better in school, problem-solve more successfully, and generally cope better with whatever life throws at them.
Make warm memories.
Your children will probably not remember anything that you say to them, but they will recall the family rituals — like bedtimes and game night — that you do together.
Be the role model your children deserve.
Kids learn by watching their parents. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do.
Fess up when you blow it.
This is the best way to show your child how and when she should apologize.
Live a little greener.
Show your kids how easy it is to care for the environment. Waste less, recycle, reuse, and conserve each day. Spend an afternoon picking up trash around the neighborhood.
Always tell the truth.
It’s how you want your child to behave, right?
Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids.
Your marriage is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship looks, feels, and sounds like. So it’s your job to set a great standard.
Respect parenting differences.
Support your spouse’s basic approach to raising kids — unless it’s way out of line. Criticizing or arguing with your partner will do more harm to your marriage and your child’s sense of security than if you accept standards that are different from your own.
Give appropriate praise.
Instead of simply saying, “You’re great,” try to be specific about what your child did to deserve the positive feedback. You might say, “Waiting until I was off the phone to ask for cookies was hard, and I really liked your patience.”
Cheer the good stuff.
When you notice your child doing something helpful or nice, let him know how you feel. It’s a great way to reinforce good behavior so he’s more likely to keep doing it.
Gossip about your kids.
Fact: What we overhear is far more potent than what we are told directly. Make praise more effective by letting your child “catch” you whispering a compliment about him to Grandma, Dad, or even his teddy.
Give yourself a break.
Hitting the drive-through when you’re too tired to cook doesn’t make you a bad parent.
Trust your gut.
No one knows your child better than you. Follow your instincts when it comes to his health and well-being. If you think something’s wrong, chances are you’re right.
Just say “No.”
Resist the urge to take on extra obligations at the office or become the Volunteer Queen at your child’s school. You will never, ever regret spending more time with your children.
Don’t accept disrespect from your child.
Never allow her to be rude or say hurtful things to you or anyone else. If she does, tell her firmly that you will not tolerate any form of disrespect.
Pass along your plan.
Mobilize the other caregivers in your child’s life — your spouse, grandparents, daycare worker, babysitter — to help reinforce the values and the behavior you want to instill. This includes everything from saying thank you and being kind to not whining.
Ask your children three “you” questions every day.
The art of conversation is an important social skill, but parents often neglect to teach it. Get a kid going with questions like, “Did you have fun at school?”; “What did you do at the party you went to?”; or “Where do you want to go tomorrow afternoon?”
Teach kids this bravery trick.
Tell them to always notice the colour of a person’s eyes. Making eye contact will help a hesitant child appear more confident and will help any kid to be more assertive and less likely to be picked on.
Acknowledge your kid’s strong emotions.
When your child’s meltdown is over, ask him, “How did that feel?” and “What do you think would make it better?” Then listen to him. He’ll recover from a tantrum more easily if you let him talk it out.
Show your child how to become a responsible citizen.
Find ways to help others all year. Kids gain a sense of self-worth by volunteering in the community.
Don’t raise a spoiled kid.
Keep this thought in mind: Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe. Teach him accordingly.
Talk about what it means to be a good person.
Start early: When you read bedtime stories, for example, ask your toddler whether characters are being mean or nice and explore why.
Explain to your kids why values are important.
The simple answer: When you’re kind, generous, honest, and respectful, you make the people around you feel good. More importantly, you feel good about yourself.
Set up a “gratitude circle” every night at dinner.
Go around the table and take turns talking about the various people who were generous and kind to each of you that day. It may sound corny, but it makes everyone feel good.
Serve a food again and again.
If your child rejects a new dish, don’t give up hope. You may have to offer it another six, eight, or even 10 times before he eats it and decides he likes it.
Avoid food fights.
A healthy child instinctively knows how much to eat. If he refuses to finish whatever food is on his plate, just let it go. He won’t starve.
Eat at least one meal as a family each day.
Sitting down at the table together is a relaxed way for everyone to connect — a time to share happy news, talk about the day, or tell a silly joke. It also helps your kids develop healthy eating habits.
Let your kids place an order.
Once a week, allow your children to choose what’s for dinner and cook it for them.
Love your children equally, but treat them uniquely.
They’re individuals.
Say “I love you” whenever you feel it, even if it’s 743 times a day.
You simply can not spoil a child with too many mushy words of affection and too many smooches. Not possible.
Keep in mind what grandmoms always say.
Children are not yours, they are only lent to you for a time. In those fleeting years, do your best to help them grow up to be good people.
Savor the moments.
Yes, parenthood is the most exhausting job on the planet. Yes, your house is a mess, the laundry’s piled up, and the dog needs to be walked. But your kid just laughed. Enjoy it now — it will be over far too fast.
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 30, 2017 | Love, Motherhood
I am a huge hippy, I believe in the power of the Universe and that everything has a reason kind of girl. I am the type of person that will say:
“It’s 11.11am, what does it mean? what is the universe trying to tell me?” As I’m looking at my phone, 10 mins after my 11 am alarm goes off and waiting for it to turn to 11:11 am! Or as I pass a dead bird, mauled by a cat no doubt, i’l whisper to myself “wow, a white feather – who sent this from the spirit world?”
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and that the crap in your life is sent to test us, to make us, or to break us. I believe that when bad stuff happens in life we have to try and find a positive out of it because only seeing the negatives can eat you up and turn you bitter.
The problem with that is, when something bad, sad or ‘unfair’ happens in your life, that causes grief and pain, which make it is so bloody difficult to search or even to find a positive, but instead makes you question “why”. And for all those who have had to of asked the question “why”, we know all too well, most of the time there is never a definite answer.
The past few months in our house has been upsetting, challenging and often difficult – but it’s not all doom and gloom, on a day to day basis we are generally happy, silly and smiley and just living life and not taking it for granted.
Over the past few months, we had some really upsetting and tragic news to do with the girl’s father, followed by my eldest daughter Poppy breaking her arm two weeks after, myself developing health anxiety to a point where I thought I was dying (That is a whole new blog post in itself), to dealing with hearsay and looks of pity when we left the house.
So six weeks after Poppy broke her arm, and in the thick of having an utter meltdown with health anxiety, Alex and I found out that we were pregnant (well, that I was pregnant as men can’t have babies). We were so over the moon, we had talked about it for a while, so we couldn’t believe that it had happened so quickly. So after peeing on four ‘Sainsbury’s own’ Pregnancy tests, to peeing on another 2 clear blue pregnancy tests just to make sure that the previous 5 weren’t rubbish, it was confirmed, we were pregnant.
In the middle of all the sadness, we had been feeling as a family for the past couple of months, the universe (so I believed) had sent us the most precious gift. A baby.
Now believing in fate, and the way Alex and I had met (Again, that’s a whole new blog post, and totally one for a feel-good Sunday read. In short: Known each other for 10 years, Paths have always crossed, incredible coincidence when we met again, love at first sight kind of story…)
We started to get excited, choosing names, guessing what we would be having, downloading the ‘baby centre’ app to see what food the baby is the size of and starting to see some form of light at the end of the tunnel.
Having had three perfectly normal, healthy, but all completely different pregnancies prior to this one, I just assumed that everything would be ok, I did have a sharp consistent pain in what felt like my ovary, but again like you do, I googled it and it said it was completely normal, so I didn’t worry and continued to feel happy and excited.
A couple of weeks after finding out we were having a baby, I started with brown spotting. I instantly started to panic, then instantly started to GOOGLE THE SHIT OUT OF THE INTERNET. I found out that this could be ‘Implantation or Breakthrough bleeding’, ‘perfectly normal’ or ‘the start of a miscarriage’.
What the hell is going on I thought, surely the ‘divine power’ and the Universe I believe so badly in, isn’t going to give me this gift of life to then take it away from me, especially after such heartwrenching months?
I began reading forums, upon forums of other women in similar situations and kept reading repeated words of wisdom of: ‘If it’s not red blood, there is no need to worry’. Then luckily the spotting stopped. I breathed, calmed down and pee’d on yet another pregnancy test, which came back – PREGNANT. I started to get a little excited again and went to sleep.
The next morning, however, I just didn’t feel right so I decided to go to the gym, my lower back had not stopped hurting in the night and I thought exercise would be good to ease it. Arriving at the gym and doing a pre-workout wee (like you do), what I had feared would happen, started to happen.
There was bright red blood. Instantly I freaked out, my heart started to race, panic set in knowing that if this was miscarriage then there is nothing that could be done, except let nature take its course and that there would be no baby.
Alex and I rang the national health line on 111 and they told us to see the doctor within 2 hours. Now the doctor we went to go and see I’m pretty certain didn’t have much experience with a hormonal 30-year-old having a miscarriage. This doctor did not beat around the bush, half of me admired him for his brutal honesty whilst the other half was cursing “You insensitive dimwit”.
He looked at me casually slung back in his chair, in his cycling gear and said:
“You know at this stage, it’s just a bunch of cells, there is probably a disformity and there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to sit it out”.
WHAT.THE.EFF. – “Just sit it out” ….. “SIT IT BLOODY OUT”.
I wanted a reassuring cup of tea, a rub on the shoulder and the doctor to tell me that it could be ‘breakthrough bleeding”.
Not; “ts just a bunch of cells that are probably deformed”.
Whilst I was ‘sitting it out”, I sent myself crazy Googling “What does a miscarriage feel like”? “How do I know if I am having a miscarriage”, “am I still pregnant”?
I felt scared to go to the toilet, as every time I bled, I felt like I was losing the baby. I knew deep down that it was a miscarriage, yet part of me still wanted to believe that I was the exception to the rule and it could just be normal bleeding.
The miscarriage lasted three days. We did another test which came up ‘not-pregnant’.
Just like that, it was gone. That was the most painful part of it, only three days earlier it read pregnant and now it was gone. I felt like my body was broken as well as my mind.
I questioned why, why did this have to happen, what is the Universe trying to tell me. What lesson does the universe want me to take from this? What was the purpose of this pregnancy, surely there had to be one? I felt humiliated telling my friends that I had miscarried as only a few days before I had told them I was pregnant. I wondered if it was something that I did, or if I could have prevented it.
I then started to realise sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes things just happen that are beyond our control and things that we can not change. The only control we have is how we choose to act and react to whatever life throws at us. When I realised this, all of a sudden I felt different. I felt for the first time in months that I had a clear mind.
I let myself feel sad, but not for long, because there were so many more reasons to smile. I smiled for my children, my relationship, our health, the roof over our heads, my family, friends and just being here.
Shit things happen in life, tragedy, death and things we will never know the answers too. But time is a healer and time needs its time.
For all those who need some friendly advice, the miscarriage association is a great start.
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
or you can contact them on 01924 200799
All information is confidential.
Lots of love
Jess #MomBoss
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 26, 2017 | Motherhood
Rules for when my little girls grow up!
1. Make your bed every day, even if it’s right before you get in it.
2. Don’t wear holey underwear… in case you’re in an accident and they cut your clothes off.
3. Travel light through life. Keep only what you need.
4. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt. It’s also okay to smash (some) things; but, wash your face, clean your mess, and get up off the floor when you’re done. You don’t belong down there.
5. If you’re going to curse, be clever. If you’re going to curse in public, know your audience.
6. Seek out the people and places that resonate with your soul.
7. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
8. 5-second rule. It’s just dirt. There are worse things in a fast food cheeseburger.
9. You are a woman, you do not NEED a man!
10. Happiness is not a permanent state. Wholeness is. Don’t confuse these.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack your bag.
12. Never walk through an alley.
13. Be less sugar, more spice, and only as nice as you’re able to without compromising yourself.
14. Can’t is a cop-out.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard. Be your own hero.
16. If you can’t smile with your eyes, don’t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.
17. Never lie to yourself.
18. Your body, your rules.
19. If you have an opinion, you better know why.
20. Practise your passions.
21. Ask for what you want. The worst thing they can say is no.
22. Wish on stars and dandelions, then get to work to make them happen.
23. Stay as sweet as you are.
24. Fall in love often. Particularly with ideas, art, music, literature, food and far-off places.
25. Fall hard and forever in love with nothing but yourself.
26. Say Please, Thank You, and Pardon Me, whenever the situation warrants it.
27. Reserve “I’m sorry” for when you truly are.
28. Naps are for grown-ups, too.
29. Question everything, except your own intuition.
30. You have enough. You are enough.
31. You are amazing! Don’t let anyone ever make you feel you are not. If someone does….walk away. You deserve better.
32. No matter where you are, you can always come home.
33. Be happy and remember your roots, family is EVERYTHING.
34. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
35. No one will ever love you more than I do ❤️
36. Be kind; treat others how you would like them to treat you
37. If in doubt, remember whose daughter you are and then straighten your crown!
Lots I’d Love
Mum x
#MomBoss
