by Olipophatbaby | Nov 25, 2017 | Lifestyle, Motherhood
The Christmas countdown is definitely ON. Ahhhhh! Cue the mad dash around the shops on Christmas eve – with all THREE kids and the usual flapping.
At this time of year, more than any other, it raises a BIG parenting worry – am I spoiling my children, have I bought enough, should I treat myself too whilst I am at it?
You might have watched the new programme following Tamara Ecclestone’s life as a Mum. If not, you NEED to watch it especially after the HUGE reaction on social media, mainly lashing out at her for over ‘extravagant’ lifestyle and spoiling her child. Even though it is nice to spoil our children now and again, are there any real positives and what message does this send out to our children?
The daughter of Billionaire Formula 1 Boss Bernie Eccleston said that while she tries not to spoil her daughter Fifi (Phoebe), it feels like she does sometimes and that it’s hard not to. I’ll be honest after watching the show, she doesn’t spoil her sometimes….It’s all the time!
However, it’s clear to see how much she really loves her child but does buying things really equate to love? I have felt that awful parent guilt for not buying my children what they want, especially when I have had three hours of crying, the two hours of “it’s not fair” “you love my sisters more than me” and an hour of kicking and screaming.
I try to see the bigger picture, although, with a migraine that started three hours ago, that can be somewhat difficult. However, I don’t want my children growing up with a sense of entitlement, I want them to grow up knowing the value of money and the value of work.
Then again, I might be talking utter rubbish, Tamara may have a point, It might quite hard ‘not’ to spoil your kids when you call a £70 million London mansion home.
BUT if we always say ‘yes’ and never ‘no’ – what does that do to them? Yep, that’s right, more mummy guilt and things to fret over (great)!
Hands up if you have been to a party where there is always that one child that throws the mother of all tantrums? Worse still, hands up if it’s your child, and it’s not as if you can pretend it’s not your child (like we do at the park) as 90% of the parents at the party recognise you and your child from the school run.
What does over-indulging and spoiling your child actually do?
Spoiled children often grow up to feel a sense of entitlement, self-centred and with narcissistic tendencies. The reason being, they are so used to getting what they want, when they want that when they grow up a sense of self-entitlement grows with them.
Think about it for a second, If as a child you are so used to getting what you want, by either asking or crying for it and you get it consistently, then how would you understand that this doesn’t happen in adult life? The life you have been used to as a child and growing up, isn’t actually what happens when you become an adult.
It would come as a big shock in adult life if all of a sudden you had to fend for yourself. Surely it is better to grow up earning rewards, as this is what happens in adult life;-
You work hard, you reward yourself.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do love to go a bit OTT at Christmas and birthdays, as to me, they are two very special occasions that are only really magical and super exciting when you are young. At Christmas, I’m probably the biggest child of them all – That and the discovery of how cheap B&M bargains is and how amazing the toys are!!!
Away from celebrations, I also reward my children for good behaviour, reaching their goals and age-appropriate chores (cooking dinner and washing up (I am joking there))! Like most parents, I know the power of a bribe – it works like a charm 9 times out of 10.
However, on the flip side the more my children ask for something – the less likely they are to get it. I don’t want my children feeling or thinking they are ‘owed’ something in life. If they cry for something, that’s game over, and they deffo won’t be getting it! They need to know that if you want something in life, you need to work for it.
In saying the above it did take me a couple of years to realise, It’s OK not to be at the beck and call of your children for their every want and need. As parents, we do a HELL of a lot already. We clothe them, feed them, house them and show them we love them- when they INSIST they want an ice cream before tea time, BE STRONG and SAY NO, it’s going to be OK!!!
Naturally as a parent, there’s that feeling that you try to make sure your kids don’t ‘want’ for anything. I get that, but children would much rather you spend your time on them, instead of your money. It’s us as parents that give in to our children’s ‘wants’ through our own guilt. Children need limits, they need rules, they need parenting and part of parenting (the shit part) is to feel guilty and to feel mean- to say no when no needs to be said.
What type of parent are you?
So I hope I have given you food for thought on this rainy Saturday!
Lots of Love
Jess #MOMBoss
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 13, 2017 | Motherhood
Firstly, this is my first blog post this week as I have been enjoying some quality (chaotic) time with the 3 queens and Alex, whilst sunning myself from “pure white” to “white”. Which is the depressive Truth, I usually bring a bottle of fake tan, but the bloody 150ml bottle and hand luggage didn’t get along.
Anyway, I felt compelled to tell you about a delightful little product that I picked up that has ensured sanity, all three kids in eyesight and actually be able to enjoy the sight seeing! So as an after thought, I thought “this is an interesting product to review” so here we are.
Now, if you, like me have that one friend that tells you just as you book your holiday that “you need to be careful, the country your going too is a known “children to order” country! WTF – who says that, a whole country generalised and FYI – I googled it and it ain’t true girlfriend) and if, like me, you also have that one child that seems to embody Ussain Bolt every time you leave the house – then let me introduce you too the ‘Adventure Belt’ – AKA: The God send!
Now Hatti, being the youngest is a bit of a wild card (She doesn’t give a bloody shit), and trying to pursede this child to do anything is like trying to convince a midwife that combination feeding IS GONNA BE OK. So I decided to embark on an Adventure belt journey – I can’t fathom those bloody awful children rains, or harnesses, if I wanted to feel like I was walking a dog, I’d buy a dog and a lead not a “child lead” – il pick up some biscuits for when she learns to sit too!
However the Adventure belt is an all new ball game, Hatti absolutely loves it as she feels she is going on an adventure every time we wear it (bless her, getting breakfast every morning has been a real treat) and more to the point I actually felt quite “on trend” with this snazzy piece of equipment!
So what is the adventure belt?
The adventure belt is a safety belt that helps you keep an eye on your children whilst out and about. There are two waist belts, one that attaches to the child and one that attaches to the adult, with a stretchy belt that joins the two.
The waist belts are both adjustable and are suitable for children up to the ages of five. Although my 6 year old was sold on the fact the child’s belt has a “purse” (pouch) attached to it (as she parades around the hotel doing “mic drops”)
The adventure belt comes in 4 different colours – black, pink, blue and a panda pattern (my fave). I bought three belts, after hearing the “children to order” story. I haven’t used two, so I will be doing a competition for those of you who also hate “child leashes” and giving the other one away for a Christmas present!
Just in case you need a 10 minute breather…jokes.
This is the safety clipper – there is no chance your child is escaping.
What is good about the Adventure Belt?
One thing that I really liked about the adventure belt was that it literally felt like an adventure for Hatti (aged 3). I like to teach my children about independence but I also need them to be safe and respect what I’m saying, Which every three year old does obviously….
This was perfect for Hatti to feel like she was in control, when in reality, I am , and I have (mildly) manipulated her into thinking she is. Purely for my own selfish needs so I can enjoy the view, have hands free to enjoy a pina colado and also make sure she isn’t getting run over/kidnapped.
I also like that the strap that attaches the two belts is like a bungee rope, so if she does try to escape, I simply pull her back and “voila”! She pings straight back to me, which is in return entertaining, reassuring and safe!
Where can I get the Adventure Belt from ?
Ah ha, you can purchase it here;
www.more-2-explore.com
The delivery was super fast and the prices range from £14.99 – £27.99 ! (Price is £14.99 with discounted multipacks for twins).
So there we have it, if you have a child that enjoys to just run off, or going to a country that orders children or just want to enjoy your surroundings without your arm/hand/leg being pulled off, then from one parent to another (or guardian/baby sitter) GET THIS BLOODY PRODUCT – seriously even in the UK this belt is not leaving Hatti’s waist IDST!
lots of love
Jess #Motherofmaniacs
by Olipophatbaby | Nov 3, 2017 | Motherhood
Discipline for children. Absolute minefield, isn’t it?
• Am I yelling at them too much or not enough?
• Are they running rings around me or have I got this under control?
• Am I too strict or too easy-going?
If you caught the Channel 4 documentary #FeralFamilies, it might have got you thinking (or panicking) about whether you have got it right or wrong.
The programme was about ‘off-grid parenting.’ Children are allowed to choose their own bed time or cut their own hair. They were pretty much left to their own devices unless their safety was at risk, and they were either unschooled or home-schooled.
The reaction online and in the media was huge.
Lots of parents (and probably loads who aren’t) tutting away at these families for “doing it all wrong.” How dare they allow their kids to create havoc in the homes without boundaries or consequences for bad behaviour?!
On the other hand, you’ve got the text book parents. We all know them, some of them even are them (not me, FYI).
Routine, routine, routine all the way. Set meal times, set homework times, set extra-curricular activities, set bed times. They know all the ‘hacks’ on getting through the school-run like a military operation – clothes piled in neatle ironed order and nutritious lunches pre-packed the night before. These parents usually plan big and seamless birthday parties and have Christmas presents tied up before the clocks turn back in October.
Me? I’m somewhere between the two. The middle ground is so under-rated, don’t you think?
Why is it so boring to just have a bit of a happy medium kind of take on things?
And why are there so many judgey people out there, ready to tell others they are doing it all wrong?
I’d class myself as strict but fun. Guess what? You can be BOTH!
My kids know not to pass the 1, 2, 3 warnings. If I start the countdown, the maniacs usually stop misbehaving after the count of 1.
We’re also allowed to be silly and free. They stay up at weekends and are allowed a midnight feast (unless they’ve been cheeky).
We do fun stuff AND time-outs. Parenting is all about balance. It feels like a blumin’ juggling act most of the time. It took me a while to realise, even the ones who look like they have it all under control – probably don’t.
If you choose to take your own children out of mainstream school and try some off-grid parenting, cool. But if, instead you have a timetable plastered on the wall and stick to it religiously, good for you!
As long as your child or children are happy, healthy and safe, let’s parent in our own style and let others get on with theirs. No two people look and act identically, so why do we all think that parenting is this big one size fits all approach?
The documentary showed that lots of families do things against what the ‘parenting bible’ advises and yet, their children seem perfectly happy and well-adjusted. So, however you choose to ‘lay down the law’ (if at all), relax we’re all just winging it really…
Lots of love
Jess #Momboss
x
by Olipophatbaby | Oct 28, 2017 | Working It.
Now, I like to think that I am an entrepreneur at heart, but after meeting some REALLY inspirational women I am inspired to share their stories and write a weekly post over the course of 30 weeks which will be 30 inspirational women or mothers that have achieved greatness and all under the age of 30! Which hopefully is meant to inspire all those who are reading this!
My first post is going to be dedicated to the beautiful, hardworking and inspirational Maddison Annastasia Santamaria, the founder of Love My Sofa .
Arriving late (as usual) to the press event of Love my Sofa whilst leaving Alex and the kids in the car to nip off to get a milkshake (yes its 7pm at night, yes we are an hour away from home, and yes we won’t get back until 10pm…BUT we all got to spend time chatting, singing and talking about the day) whilst I attended the event, and I also got the chance to check out all the sofa’s…which was a bad idea, as now I need a new bed, sofa, mirror dressing table and throne…obviously!
Come on, that throne does look rather snazzy with me in it – il take two!
The first thing I notice when I walked into the showroom in Macclesfield, was the quality of EVERYTHING! I was really impressed, as prior going to the event, I had looked on the Love my sofa website and found the website to be really affordable, so naturally, I thought there must be a catch and questioned the quality! However, bloody hell, I must admit as soon as I sat myself down, I didn’t want to get back up again and if there weren’t free champers and cupcakes at the other end of the room, I don’t think would have!
Everything in the room oozed expensed and had the handcrafted feel to it, everything looked pristine. Then I noticed it “the sofa of dreams’ a grand, grey, plush velvet corner sofa at the back of the room which had been designed by Tanya Bardsley. Picturing myself sprawled across it watching Emmerdale, I stopped myself, as then I imagined the three maniacs handprints splattered across it. BUT then victory struck, all was not lost, in the distance (a metre away and eavesdropping) I heard a very friendly member of staff telling another attendee the ‘Sofa of dreams” was less than a £1000! I was gobsmacked, it was a bespoke made sofa, bloody huge and came with a footstool!
I worked my self through the room, test driving each and every sofa and seeing an array of familiar faces from Tanya Bardsley (RHOF), Jade English (This years Apprentice) and the lovely Stephanie from Ledigo PR I knew this was going to be a great little event, mainly because I am a MASSIVE fan of Real Housewives of Cheshire, The Apprentice, Interior design and free champers.
So, after being pleasantly impressed with quality, price and champers, I wanted to find out everything about the women behind it – Maddison Annastasia Santamaria.
Momboss:
Hi Maddy, amazing event, what made you decide to do ‘women in business’ event?
Maddy:
Being a woman in business and also a mum, I know how hard it is to be recognised as a woman in business and I think sometimes we need to celebrate that. A lot of the women here have full-time business’, but are also full-time mums. I am also keen to help raise money and awareness for women who are less fortunate than us in the UK and also in Africa, so I worked my magic and got over £5000 worth of prizes donated for a raffle we have this evening. It is important to me, that I am helping support all types of women.
Momboss:
What made you decide to start Love My Sofa?
Maddy:
It was actually accident the way it happened, I was on Maternity leave and I was looking for a sofa, I had an idea of what I wanted but couldn’t find it anywhere and all the bespoke sofas were way too expensive. That’s when I realised there was a gap in the market, also having twin girls I thought mini replicas would be a good idea and again, there was nothing around. So I went to a manufacturer who agreed to make them and it went from there. Then I thought to myself, why am I going to a manufacturer, I could do this myself! So I did, I set up a manufactures that employs 16 people!
MomBoss:
I believe a lot of people think that you came from money to set this up?
Maddy:
I know that is what is really frustrating. I had saved up for a long time, so we could send the girls on a big family holiday, then something inside of me said ’those who dare win’ and I knew I had to start ‘Love My Sofa’, so I did. I had saved £5000 and put it all into the business. I remember ringing my friend up at 2 am in the morning and she would be like “what are you doing up?” and I would reply “what do you think about this idea…”. I have worked really hard too be where I am. My husband is really supportive and he gave upon work to help with the kids, so I could really push Love My Sofa.
MomBoss:
Why do you think you have been so successful so quickly?
Maddy:
I didn’t go to go school, I had no qualifications and hadn’t any real business knowledge. What I did have thought was, will drive, grit and a determination to make Love My Sofa a huge success.
MomBoss:
What do you think you need in order to be successful?
Maddy:
I believe that all goals are achievable, you just need to believe in yourself and focus on what you want to achieve. A person with drive and ambition is more powerful than a person with a clipboard and a budget.
MomBoss:
What is your next goal for Love My Sofa?
Maddy:
I feel like I am on a roll and I know that I can achieve my dreams and goals. In the next three years, I have projected a turn over of £10.2 million, I want to expand nationally and just make sure that the business continues to grow from strength to strength.
And there we have it, a thought-provoking interview that made me certainly have a lot more faith and belief in myself and also start reevaluating my goals. Which then leads me on to the next part of the evening, where we each got a pen and a piece of paper and we wrote down one goal that we wanted to achieve. Mine was simple;
To be happy ……and rich
Lots of Love
Jess #MomBoss
by Olipophatbaby | Oct 25, 2017 | Motherhood
Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my three mini maniacs. They are charming, funny, charismatic, kind and thoughtful, BUT…sometimes (OK, daily) they do things that really, really grate on me. So, when I found out most kids do things that make their parents’ eyes twitch, I felt a whole lot better about myself. Can you relate?
- The Tea Monkey
When you’re sat having a cup of tea and your child decides to use this opportune moment to show you their ‘monkey’ skills and use you as some form of climbing frame.
They strangle you from behind, lean on your shoulder (the shoulder that is attached to your hand that has the hot cup of tea in it). They tug at your hair and jump (not sit) on your knee. This ends in a spilt cup of tea, an empty teacup, wet trousers, a stressed-out mum and a child laughing at your misfortune … that they caused.
- The Toilet Ghost
The kids are happy as Larry, sat down, playing a game, relaxing…being good as gold. You use this moment to quickly nip to the loo that you have been dying for, for hours, when you were too busy making dinner, tidying up and settling the kids.
You enter the bathroom, sit on the loo, RELAX, then all of a sudden, out of the blue, you look up, the door is opening, you’re mid wee…”Mummy, what you doing?”
At this point you have to refrain from saying “What does it look like I’m bloody doing?” and answer … “just having a quick wee … in peace”
- The Drink of Doom
Breakfast, lunch or dinner, as soon as you sit down to eat (after rushing around to ensure all participants at the table have food and a drink in front of them), one child always manages to spill a drink in your direction. They do nothing to try and save the spill but just look at you … every meal time.
- The Night Time Wind-Up
It’s 7:30 pm, you have successfully completed the bedtime rituals. Children in bed, asked if they would like a drink, talked about their favourite part of the day, read them a story, gave them a kiss and a cuddle then tucked them in all cosy. You get to the bottom of the stairs, enter the living room, sit on the sofa and give a big sigh of relief.
Poppy: ‘Mummy I need a drink”
(Is this a joke I’ve just sat down)
Me: “I’ll be up in a second”
*takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, again*
5 minutes later…
Olive: “Mummmmmy, I want a drink”
(what the F@CK! Did she not just hear her sister 5 minutes before asking the same question?)
Me: “Right, one minute”
*takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, for the third time*
5 minutes later…
Hatti: “Mummy, DRI…..”
Me: “NO Hatti, share Olives”
*Feels guilty, takes drink up, comes back down and sits on the sofa, for the FOURTH time*.
- The Deaf Parrot
Ah, the deaf parrot. Quite possibly the worst one of them all. The deaf parrot happens a number of times a day. For example, when your child asks for something, you calmly and politely say no. They choose not to hear your reply and ask a further 30,896 times – that hour. Or maybe you have asked your child to put their shoes on 43 times … and they choose not to hear you. Then again, it can be as simple as them shouting “Mummy” to which you reply “yes?” – and they ‘don’t hear you’, this goes on for 5 minutes, so eventually, you have to stop what you are doing, go on a hunt to find them to which they respond: “what’s for dinner?”
So, there you have it, five universal traits all children seem to do! Any to add to the list?
Lots of love
Jess #Momboss
