Happy Frikin New Year!
I don’t know about you, but 2017 had some major highs and some major lows!
The highs for me starting from entering the UK’s most famous house and entering it with the title “celebrity”, to the film I was in got released and sold in nearly every HMV, Asda and on Amazon, I rekindled with an old flame and found my soul mate to whom I fell madly, truly and deeply in love with, I started a new career direction which is flourishing and enjoyable.
Which leads me to the best part of 2017….. finding out I will be having a little rainbow baby this year!
As for the lows, I am not going to mention those, I have already lived them and there is only room for positive vibes in 2018 and we all know a positive vibe attracts your tribe! And my tribe intends to be healthy, happy and filthy rich! So if you’re reading this, put those vibes out for me too, yea?
Wooohoooo welcome to 2018!
So, I want to start my first blog of 2018 off with talking about my little rainbow baby! If you have been following the blog, you will have read that the past few months have been a shower of shit and to top the shower of shitty McShittness off, Alex and I went through a deeply upsetting miscarriage.
However, I wiped myself off, readjusted my crown (as all queens do) and got on with life. (This included copious amounts of prosecco, chocolate and late night giggles)!
So when I found out I was pregnant again I:
A) Thought back to the ALL the empty bottles of prosecco (#JustJokes)
B) Could literally not believe my eyes when the ‘Pregnant 3+’ showed up on the test!
C) Felt instantly sick and panicky about having another miscarriage.
You see, that’s the thing with getting pregnant after a miscarriage. You are stopped from allowing yourself to fully enjoy those moments of excitement. In fact, its a bloody emotional rollercoaster of constant worry of losing the baby and excitement of having a baby!
So imagine when the flipping rollercoaster started to take a trip down memory lane. I started to experience the first signs of a miscarriage again. Bleeding. I couldn’t believe it, what the hell was going?? Surely this couldn’t be happening again, upset and confused, I had to wait it out again and hope that it wasn’t what I thought.
This continued for around 3-4 weeks on and off. (Which was an absolute mind FCUK!) One day I would be happy and fun, then the next I would be sad, angry and confused about what was going on with my body!
Then one day it stopped for good, and I can safely say this is the only time in my life I’ve been grateful for fastening my trousers with a bobble, resembling a sponge, puking every hour with breasts that felt like they had been attacked by a giant and weeing consistently!
The strange thing is, on the day that the bleeding stopped, I saw the below picture on my friend’s facebook account:
Now this may not seem so strange to you, but they call a baby after a miscarriage a “Rainbow Baby” and after reading the quote above, I remembered this and googled “Rainbow Baby” out of curiosity and this is what came up….
‘A beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and give hope of things getting better”
Jesus did I weep when I read that! All those questions of “Why” from when I had miscarried prior, suddenly all made sense.
Over the past few months, it is safe to say we have had a bloody storm and we were in need of a rainbow. It made me stop and believe that this was our Rainbow. It made me question:
“Did I have to lose that baby prior to help me to feel that a colourful and bright future is emerging from our recent darkness?” Maybe.
I am a firm believer in the Power of the Universe, and at that moment it dawned on me that everything just needs time to make sense, we just need to trust in our journey and know that everything will work out. This was confirmed to me even more so when we found out that the due date is on Alex’s birthday. (queue apocalypse now theme tune).
2017 taught me so many lessons and one lesson is, anything can happen. Good or Bad. BUT we are the ones that dictate what happens from the moment that something does happen. The beauty of life is everyone can choose how we react to a situation. Everyone has their own stuff going on, and if you are going through stuff right now, however hard it may be, believe it will get better, talk to someone, a “cup half full” kind of person, smile for the things that you can smile about and have faith that we are part of something bigger.
Welcome to 2018. Today is a day for the change, for self-belief. so believe in yourself and take over the world!!
Happy New Year
Jess, Alex, Girls and Bump!