A few of you may have seen my debate on GMB with Marina Fogle yesterday. So I thought i would follow it up with an obligatory blog post! I read an article in the daily mail that Marina Fogle had written saying that she is bringing her children up in a naked house, has told them about all the details of sex as well as what condoms are used for as well as her and Ben (her husband) all piling in the bath with her 6 year old daughter and 8 year old son (that must be a BIG bath). I was also under the impression from the article I had read that Marina and Ben are full-blown nudists. So when Marinas first statement on air was “Im not a full blown nudist, i don’t walk around the house naked or cook naked, but i don’t shriek either when my kids come in the shower or bathroom” – well neither do most people – me included, I simply teach them about their bodies belong to them and them only.
My three daughters are six, five and three years old and we have had baths together, I have got undressed in front of them, they have seen me naked, this was before each of them started to understand about boundaries. What I am conscious of is teaching the kids about their body, and how privates are privates and I lead from how my children are and their personalities.
My eldest Pops is six nearly seven and now she starts asking for privacy when she goes to the toilet, when she is putting on knickers and vest on and she also enjoys a bath alone. She thinks it is normal to have privacy when she is doing all these things – BECAUSE IT IS hence why we don’t take a shit in public or bath in public.
Olive who is five, is kind of halfway to be open and free and halfway to understanding boundaries to do with her body. Sometimes she will want to chat whilst she is having bath, sometimes she will close the door, sometimes she will get dressed in front of me, other times she will say “don’t come in, im in the nudie and my privates are out”.
Hatti, who is three, however, is an all-new ball game. She will be fully dressed ready for nursery one minute and then naked and free running around the house the next minute after going for a poo, tone minute before we have to leave for the school run.
My issue with being in a fully naked house and encouraging your child to be naked is that it is completely different to teaching your children body confidence. My children are body confident because I teach them about body confidence with how I speak about my body, how I take care of my body through food and exercise and how I speak and teach them about their bodies. I honestly believe it wouldn’t make a difference if i was naked 24/7 they would still be confident in their own skin.
They key thing for me is to teach your children the appropriate lesson for the appropriate ages that they are and for the individual characters they have. Not every child is the same, i know this through my own children.
The reason I choose to parent this way is for a couple of reasons – the first one and the main one being i know of a situation where a close friend of mine had friends who’s house was naked house, and the father groomed my friend and it started because it was normalised by my friends friend and her family walking around naked. Now, I also understand that of course, this is not an everyday situation and you cant stop play dates for fear of meeting a paedophile but my point is, situations like these do happen. They can’t be undone.
The second reason being, when i was 18 i worked abroad and lived in a house of girls and boys. A girl i lived with was brought up in a naked house, and because of this she would walk around naked as soon as she came home – regardless who was in. At the time, i thought “wow, how liberating” she is really confident about her body (she did have an incredible body) but as iv got older and had children, when i think back to that, it scares me to think it only takes the wrong person to be in that house to see her for something bad to happen. I know I wouldn’t want my girls to feel so comfortable walking around naked they would do it in front of anyone, because this is putting themselves in danger.
Because of those reasons I am choosing to teach boundaries to my children about their bodies and what is socially acceptable and what is not. Teaching children’s to be comfortable in their own skin is different to teaching them to be comfortable in being naked.
As a parent we all teach through instinct, through experience, through knowledge and we lead with our hearts as well as our heads. Me included.
I would love top know your thoughts on this.
Instagram and celeb endorsements are a brands dream. Never before did brands have such easy access to celebs, or could measure within minutes how influential celeb endorsements are. I am no different in wanting to use other celebs to endorse the products that I have and I also enjoy endorsing products and businesses that i believe in. The reason, I get paid and I get free products. However, I am also very choosy in what I endorse. This is because I am cautious about my posts being detrimental to the audience I am promoting it too.
Which leads me on to my next sentence, The other day I was looking for celebs and influencers for a new product I have launching in April and I came across 2 well known UK reality star promoting that they are ambassadors for Coral (The gambling bookies). This was a sponsored ad, and one of the hashtags was # 18+, but all i could think of was how irresponsible this was. In fairness, one of the post seemed more justified than the other, as one of the reality stars is becoming a jockey for Coral to raise money for Macmillan cancer. I agree that raising money for a great cause is bloody brilliant. But is this really the best way to do that and are the main reason for this collaboration morally ethical?
Are we so naive to think that Corals main objective by using these two, popular and likable tv stars with a combined audience of 3.3 million followers is purely to raise money for Macmillian Cancer? Or could it be that their main objective is to gain a younger, easier influenced crowd, which think gambling is cool. Now it has never been so easy to retarget people who have only shown an interest (not even bought) through social media ads and affiliate marketing.
Could actually the main reason for Corals choice of ambassador be mainly to promote their growth as a company, after all, they are a business and business need to make money. Could their main reason be to attract a younger, loyal audience of customers that think gambling and horse racing its cool- the hashtag was #LoveRacing after all.
Casinos, bookies and other gambling platforms make their big bucks on people who are addicted to gambling, not the people who put a £10 on a horse now and again, but the people who put £10 on a bet now and again is generally where the start of the journey where the addiction begins.
I know people with gambling addictions and its really flipping sad to see. Many of their journeys started when they were 18, over the many years they have lost small fortunes, one small fortune was enough that they could have bought a house, cash. Another lost his wife, kids and home…Iv heard stories where I have thought FAK! I can’t believe this actually happens to people. Most of these are successful adults, where on the outside they seem to have their shit together.
With any addiction, whether its gambling, drugs, sex…it isolates family and friends, causes depression, relationship problems, mental health issues and often the only way to change an addiction is through regular meetings and therapy sessions. Even then, an addiction is still something that has to be learned to be lived with.
Then we have the other addiction that 95% of celebs seem to be promoting. Lip fillers, botox and other image altering surgery! Upon searching for influencers and celebrities to promote my products, I was lost in different accounts but with everyone looking the same. Same lips, same forehead, same cheeks, same ass, same hair (actually Iv joined the hair clan) – Where are the Diana’s in a world full of Kardashians?
Instagram is the most used App for teenagers aged 13-16 and everyday I see images of young girls who have had image altering surgery. Every day I see a new (literally new) pair of lips. Every day I see flawless images of beautiful girls, but their images are #facetuned to death.
I am comfortable in my own skin, but one thing Iv noticed and it is definitely to do with the content I see on social media is that I have started to question whether I would look better with lip fillers and a bit of Botox.
Iv started seeing pictures of celebrities from years ago to now, and they are unrecognisable and I’m ashamed to say that I felt inadequate. I questioned maybe I should be getting all these image altering treatments. Then I stopped and realised my thought process. I am a 30-year-old woman, with three children and not easily influenced – if my thought process started to change, just think about the thought process and influence social media is having over teenagers and young men and women who are easily influenced?
Which then leads me onto a conversation I had with my 20-year-old babysitter Millie, she told me that at least 10 of her friends (who are all the same age) have had lip fillers and they all felt like it was the normal thing to do. WTF!!!!!! Again, this has been normalised by influencers and celebrities promoting cosmetic surgery on social media to their following.
And last but not least, we have a new website called “Fansonly” which is a subscription site where people pay to see footage that they can only see if they pay a monthly subscription. Don’t get me wrong. this is a good little platform to monetise on. Take, for example, Nadia from celebs go dating is using the platform to offer her expertise as a dating coach, where her subscribers can pay to learn the best tips to help find love.
I think this is a great way to use the site as this is giving confidence and skills to people who want help in their love life at an affordable price. Where usually to see a dating therapist would cost well I’m excess of £50 per hour.
Then there are the other half of users of “fansonly”, where a lot of reality stars are monetising by getting naked and uploading saucy pictures of themselves! Which again, each to there own and if they are comfortable in doing that, go for it. But is it the best ethically correct to promote this career choice? Are really telling the next generation of men and women that to make money all you have to do is take your kit off?
I don’t think there is anything morally wrong in nude or semi nude photographs, Iv done lingerie photos. (I’d like to think they were tasteful) Part of my reason was to make money, another part was so I could look back in my 80’s and say “I wasn’t half bad in my late 20s after 3 Childen”.
What I have an issue with how this images are promoted and the age of the audience that are seeing these images.
Is there a cap on what is morally right to promote and is it worth the money? Or are we living in a society where sex, gambling and not being comfortable in your own skin in the new norm?
Today marks the day where some women were given the right to vote. 100 years ago women who were over the age of 30 and either owned land themselves or were married to men with property were given the right to vote.
Part of me feels proud for this, but another part of me feels angry that this wasn’t a birthright as it was for many men, and the right to cast ballet was still discriminated by class and wealth. However, 100 years ago set in motion the steps for the universal woman’s suffrage, a decade that help brings change and give all women the right to vote.
This was a historic change for the women, yet it still angers me, that we, as women, are still not seen as equal (I am talking the mass here, not the minority). Don’t get me wrong, there are industries where a woman is treated equally as a man. But then, we look at industries and sectors that our children grow up and listen to and learn from. Politics, for example, female politicians still remain the minority in ELECTED positions of power. Is this because politics is still a mans world? And this world is one that governs our country!
Where will we be in the next hundred years? All I know is that this is an exciting time for our children and our children’s children! I made my girls watch Oprah’s speech, they asked questions to do with men, women, race, why people were treated differently when we are all born the same. These are the questions I want to champion and felt proud that my children were asking.
So I salute the Emily Davison’s, the Emmeline Pankhurst’s, the Flora Drummond’s and the suffragettes of the past present and future. The MEN and women that help and continue to fight for equal rights in sex, race and religion.
We are living in an exciting and vibrant time.
Lots of love
Ok, Ok, so it is fair to say that my Kim Kardashian Instagram post got a fair bit of traction. 70% of the comments were in agreeance, 5% were neutral, 5% were asking why Instagram was parenting my friends child (yes, even I wondered if these comments were serious and looking at corresponding profile pictures, cleary these people couldn’t understand the content of the post) and the other 20% were from die-hard Kardashian fans!
So, from reading the comments, I wanted to address a few of the points. The points being:
- “Why does a 13-year-old have a phone in the first place and what are they doing on Instagram?”
Now, I may be wrong, and this may be an assumption but I am assuming the people who have written the comments like this don’t have children and don’t know teenagers of this age. I get this assumption as a 13-year-old, would be in year 9, starting to choose their GCSE, going round to their friend’s house, starting to get a little bit more independent, and part of that independence is having a phone so your parents can get hold of you. All of my friends who have kids that are 13+ have phones, and so do the majority of their friends.
Now, imagine back to when you were 13…. well, all my friends were allowed to wear, make-up, whereas I had to sneak my lipgloss and mascara in the role of my skirt and put it on in the school toilets. This is also the age I started getting embarrassed talking to boys, started getting influenced by my friends (AS WELL AS my parents) and used to get really excited when I got a text message on my Nokia3210 and then disappointed that I couldn’t reply as I hadn’t bought my £10 top-up card!
A phone is the first start of independence for a teenager, and the 5 people you surround yourself with are the people that influence you the most. In childhood and also adult hood!
2.” Its up to you to parent your children, not Kim Kardashian or Instagram”.
Again, the people who write comments like this are just plain idiotic. Of course, it is a parents job to parent the child, but part of that parenting is giving your child independence, trust and faith that they have listened to your advice. However, a part of being a child/teenager and growing up is making mistakes, learning, problem-solving and thinking your parents do not know best.
There were also a few comments that said: “Kim didn’t ask to be a role model”….
Surely, part of being a being a celebrity, you realise that you are a role model and especially when you have 103,000,000 followers? When you are on TV there are always going to be people who look up to you, just like there are always going to be people who just plain don’t like you.
I understand this, and I only have 41,000 followers. But, I understand that I may or may not influence someone and I hope that if I do, it is positive.
3. “Kim looks fantastic, and I think its great that she is so body confident after 3 kids”
Yes, Kim does look great, But so would a lot of people of they had bum implants, breast surgery, liposuction, lip fillers, botox and other various cocktails of image altering surgery. Have people forgotten this is not normal to have so much surgery? Kyle Jenner, had lip fillers at 17 – is this not worrying? When people have cosmetic surgery it is generally due to low self-esteem to do with that part of the body. I am not against surgery if it can boost your self-esteem and it is a thought-out process and not one trying to be perfect, then bloody go for it! PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!
What I am against is the constant influnce of this being pushed on young women. Is it a coincidence that everyone os starting to look the samer? Or is it the influnec of social media and celebrity?
I also want to get this straight, I am not saying or suggesting that I am against lingerie shoots, or even fully naked photo shoots, what I am saying is: as an influencer to those that follow us, surely we have a responsibility that we are being the best role model that we can. The two images below have two very different meanings, tones and feeling. I know which one I prefer! What I am saying is learn your audicence.
Clemmie Telford is a mum blogger, and her following is of mums, parents and mainly women who have had children and been pregnant or are pregnant.
If you are parent, what are your thoughts on this? Are we championing the right role models? Is this picture ok?
Lots of love
Hi, I’m Charlotte, a former party girl and now mother to two toddlers!
Until recently I was a full-time Primary school teacher striving to be the best teacher, mother and wife 24/7…but that wasn’t happening, something was going to give. I made the decision to leave teaching and become a full time, stay at home Mum…but something niggled me when I left. This niggle was the fact that so many children are starting school unprepared for the challenges ahead of them and I felt like I couldn’t help them now.
So I set up The Mummy Formula. Through the power of Instagram and using my background in education, I want to provide inspiration for mums and dads, on every sort of budget (usually free!), with fun and exciting activities that enable their children to develop and grow every day.
I want our children to achieve in life and giving them the best start is paramount. The formula consists of Learning with Mummy, Cooking with Mummy, Making with Mummy and Days Out with Mummy… obviously these activities are suitable for dads too, I’m not being sexist!! The final, crucial part of the formula is getting time for yourself, whether it be a night out, a shopping trip or going out and getting some fresh air. I hope that my material inspires parents to get creative with their children and that lasting memories are made through the fun activities.
Lots of love
The start of the New Year, I decided that 2018 is going to be the year of health, wealth, happiness and abundance and that 2017 would be the year that taught me strength, compassion and an understanding of life.
Now being a mother of three, pregnant, hormonal and 90% of the time ‘hangry” you can imagine my stress levels and how I remain positive.
So i thought, it would be a good January start to share with you, my readers a few secrets of life that have worked for me, and continue to work with me.
For those of you that know me from The Apprentice or Celebrity Big Brother, Im going to share with you how I actually managed to get on both programmes.
I manifested my way on to them.
I asked the higher power from within to get me on both shows, I visualised myself in the boardroom and in the final 5. I visualised myself be walking on to your TV screen like ‘mic drop, Jess is in de house” and believed the Law of attraction would work its magic to get me there.
Oh and my sister and I always had a feeling one of us would one day meet Jedward. #Moment
So, what is the Law of attraction (LOA) ? The LOA is where you ask the power of the divine Universe for what you want, then have to believe/feel you already have it, then let it go and have faith it will come true.
You have to see and feel as your future self….A star!
I knew without a doubt that I would be on the Apprentice, I just had a feeling. The Universe however, likes to test your faith.
I actually got on to The Apprentice in 2014, I was pregnant at the time and i thought “Wow, I am doing it for all the pregnant working mamas out there. The first pregnant woman EVER to be on the Apprentice.”
Turns out, they couldn’t get cast insurance and I got dropped. GUTTED.
Two years later I plucked up the courage to apply again, I logged onto my computer, typed into Google “APPLY FOR THE APPRENTICE” and thought YES! This is my moment (Martine McCuttcheon playing in the background, pressed enter…. WTF. I’VE MISSED THE BLOODY DEADLINE!!!
No, this was not the way my visualisation in a meditative state went. I did the only thing i knew how, cry, Just jokes, I kept the bloody faith didn’t I?
I thought, right, I aint no for an answer. I found out the production company who made the Apprentice, rang them up, told them the full shabang and they told me to send an email- A bloody email, I wanted an invite there and then to the auditions. However I sent an email and got three ‘No’s’ back.
‘Sorry, good luck for next year’
‘Really Sorry, nothing we can do. Apply next year’
‘LEAVE ME THE EFF ALONE AND TAKE THE HINT’
Ok, so I may of made the last one up, the point being I got three No’s. Not giving up…AND STILL keeping the faith, I managed to guess (I impressed myself here) the email address of one of the producers and voila! I managed to get myself through to the first i audition stage.
And the rest is TV history. Looking back actually, maybe it was more to do with the fact I broke down in tears in the audition process in front of two of the Exec producers who obviously saw “TV Gold”….Hmm one ‘jeans task later’!
Then we have CBB…
I just knew I would be on it, I had the same feeling as TheApprentice and as soon as I found out I would be on The Apprentice, I knew I would be in that house!
(Which was strange as Trishna and myself were the only two candidates that said we would never do CBB – hmmm how wrong I was whilst eating my humble pie).
Episode 3 of The Apprentice aired and I received an email from the Booker of CBB asking if I would like to meet her, I was reluctant at first, as I really did not fancy the idea of it. However, something was telling me to go for it, so I did and thank God! As it was a brilliant experience which has opened and continues to open many doors. BUT…it was’nt easy sailing, Jeeze Louise, talk about keeping the faith on this one.
My amazing agent Vickie then took charge from here, Vickie and I both had a feeling that I would be entering the house. Then the launch happened and I was no where to be seen walking down the red carpet.
It was a no, But maybe a yes for the summer.
However, I rang Vickie and my exact words were. “Vickie, Iv just got this feeling that Im going to be in that house”
to which Vickie Replied
8 days passed with no word of going in, but then i got a phone call saying they were thinking of putting me in as three men had been evicted. OUT OF THE FLIPPING BLUE. Again, Martine McCuttcheon started playing, Yes! I thought, the LOA did it again.
One phone call later, It was a No. WTF, NO? This is not part of my Universe LOA magical plan.
“I am destined to meet Jedward”.
Keeping the faith, and visualising chatting with Colleen, Dancing with Jedward and Nicola McClean plucking my eyes brows…I got yet ANOTHER phone call.
“They’re having a meeting of who to put it, Its looking good” Vickie told me. This was on the Wednesday.
24 (long) hours later, the phone rings…Its Vickie.
“Hi Vic, my bags packed, Iv kept my faith in the Universe, what time are they collecting me?”
“It’s a no”!
Whaaaaat, I couldn’t understand, i’d visualised it so well. I was destined to be in the diary room, surely?
“Do you think they might change their mind, I really feel like i’m going into that house”
“I felt like that too, but No, they never change their mind, Maybe the summer one”
RING RING, RING RING
“They want you in the house, They’ve changed their minds”
It was at that point that I really understood about positive thought, the magic of the Law Of Attraction and power of belief. The universe (And also the lovely Hannah, the CBB booker) and worked the magic.
I had 16 hours to get packed, sorted, and nip to build a bear with the kids to get them a bear that they could squeeze and hear my voice say:
“Whats been your favourite part of the day? Im missing you, but I’ll be home soon”
A year later, I’m now regretting it, as Hatti presses it at 5:45am every morning and the battery is near it’s death and resembles a slow version of Darth Vader with a northern accent!
To experience life is incredible. Life changing events can come out of the blue, and everything can change in a moment. I speak through experience, and not just the experience of the above, but my life has been a series of “out of the blue” events. The most of them positive, a couple tragic and all of them life altering.
What ever your situation is right now, If its crap, believe and visualise it changing. Have faith that circumstances can change in an instant. Welcome the change.
If your life is good, keep that feeling and keep visualising the direction in which you want your life to go, you deserve to be happy. We all do.
If you want to find out more about the LOA a few books to look at are:
- The Secret
- Think rich, Grow rich
- The Monk that sold his Ferrari
- Celestine prophecy
Lots of Love